this wonderful strangeness in my bones, it distracts me from the humming in my blood.
i want to know what's under my flesh.
i want to know your flesh.

all i know is how to want. i want more.

everyone is a sacrifice (i'll be yours)

and we all know what's going on, but i think we all have it wrong. i hope we all have it wrong. i want to be surprised. i never want to know too much. it drags you down. keeps you too close to the ground.

i am a bad person. but that's ok. at least i know how to pretend.

meet you at the skyline in five.

like a tidal wave through your fingers.

like you don't really have anything concrete to say, but you want to say SOMETHING.

i miss being alive.

i see ghosts of people i should have known. maybe not in this life though. far away and long ago. they smile like they know something i don't. faded out people like pages of some book time forgot.

dead or alive, you're still worth fighting for. it's just that i can never remember who you are.

this is the first time i've had words in half a year. and i don't even know what i'm saying.

HI!

wow, it's been so long i don't even know where to start.

if anyone still read this, hi!

i've been away for so so so long, but i just had a really tough time. i guess i had to figure some stuff out? but it's good to be back.

i'm gonna go through my old friends entries and try to catch up.

so. hi!

been saying your name like a prayer all these years, hasn't saved me yet- i have hope.

some things are meant to be kept inside my head. some thoughts are only mine. it's a bit like the way your hands fold against mine, i keep that secret everyday.

one day the shadows are going to win, but its not today. not yet.

and the winter comes along and your world is still broken. then it's spring and summer, and nothing looks right again. you start to realize that your little world won't change anything around you. the seasons keep rolling over you in unrelenting waves, and that hurts you more than you thought was possible anymore.

you get years and years away from crappy motel rooms and the road so big and wide it looked infinite. you start to forget the exact shape of his eyes, the way his nose crinkled in the morning. memories you thought were ingrained into your bones start to slip slowly away.

you wake up one morning and can't remember his snores. and it doesn't hurt as bad as yesterday.

you'd give anything to have the hurt back. to be years closer to him.

but you've learned. after so long you've learned that making deals with god (or anything else) doesn't quite work.

you've learned that it does hurt less over time, but it's so bitter it makes your mouth ache.

the less it hurts, the more bitter you get.

but you haven't forgotten his grin. you haven't forgotten that, not yet anyway.

if there was a way to live in the past, you would. but there isn't, so you don't.

you look forward and throw your shoulders back, you try not to think of his shoulders, and you make it through another day.

and then it's winter again.

The problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you!

(also new fob song? AWESOME.)

just popped a pill and blew your world apart-
dare you not to love me now.

can't say no to girls who laugh in fireworks.
bright-bright-exploding-gone

i know what the inside of your wrist tastes like-that's privileged information.
every time i look at you that's what i think.

i've made peace with everything we are. my own special kind of peace.

cans of diet coke litter the floor, and the cigarette ash seems to cling to everything in the room.
fucking trashed. your room looks like you on the inside. dirty, messy, and a little familiar.

quarter moon smiles and sunshine fingertips, warm me up.
make me better.
fuck it, just hold me.

i'm learning more and more, you can never get me to quit.
i'll always go back to grinning (even if it's fake).
got some steel running through me.

wanna try it?
bright-bright-exploding- gone.

i understand your intolerance.

i understand it technically. i understand culture, media, and upbringing. i understand you were influenced.

i understand it in my head.

my heart doesn't understand a thing.

i cannot explain to my heart why you hate.

my heart will not understand.

it just hurts. it hurts for you and it hurts for everyone you hate.

i want to remember why i love this country, because you just made me forget.

feels like i've got a mercury IV drip in my veins. can't say what i mean, can't mean what i say.

got a closet full of smiles i like to try on.

i am the room you're in.
i am the gust between your lips.
i am eternal, forever, and if you blink i'll be gone.

i am tearing up in the middle of a classroom because i feel too much, because sometimes it hits you that you're alive, and that's more than most can say.

arch your back to the sky and never forget you owned this moment.
you might be a tiny speck in the big picture (what picture?) but this moment, this entire fucking moment was yours.
a universe in a second.
you will never be more beautiful, or more crazy.

at times like this, i will never believe i can't fly.

my skin is the only thing keeping me from rocketing through time and space and shaking apart.


in my dreams i ride stars like horses and boys like cowboys.

and in my dreams god gives out second chances, and i'm at his door like it's halloween.

street corners are filled with alchemists who got it right, and the homeless sleep on gold.

and the mountains and plains of your face ask for scaling. cartography by touch.

and these days i try to stay awake.

when daisies are blooming from my mouth, i can't put my words on paper.

when i'm green fields with with hops and skips i don't stop to look around.

and for all my words, all my complexities, all my cynicism, and all my great ideas; all it would take to calm me down is the right pair of arms.



hey there preacher man, why don't you tell me what i'm doing right?
hey there preacher man, do those pearly gates really shine that bright?
hey there preacher man, what if i won't go with you?

hey there biker man, why don't you show me what i could be doing wrong?
hey there biker man, how does that open road really feel?
hey there biker man, do you mind if i hop on too?


hey preacher man! there's room for one more!
think we can find gods face in a cloud of motorcycle exhaust? well lets try anyway.

the halo's no fun without the leather jacket.

hallelujah. put on some skynard.

be careful, i love dangerous.

too much like black cadillacs, top down, radio high. keep your guns in the backseat, i've got your back.

too much like fuck the world, i choose you. don't care about right, just care about tonight.


my favorite way to wake up is in your shirt.
life is what you make it, come on don't break it.

you're the only person i know who wakes up with a grin. it's like you're happy the planet is where you left it. maybe it's because i'm where you left me.

i promise you've left your mark.

doesn't matter how much time goes by, doesn't matter who else, i'll carry your arms around mine. i'll carry your smile in my grin.

thank you for finding the earth as stupidly-horrifyingly-hilarious as i do.